the grass isn’t always greener.

there has never been a stop to the push toward ‘success.’ i keep hearing that word like it’s now a part of some kind of jargon.

everyone hears it but nobody knows what it really means.

nobody has ever fully described it to me, in detail, with pictures to go along.

truth is, i know only a few people who can confidently and definitively describe what success would look like for them. as of right now, i’m not so sure i’m one of those people. i envy those that know what success looks like, and those who have a nice view of it, but when it comes to how to make it, that’s when the questions begin.

how do you know when you’re finally successful? how do you know when to stop and look around? people around me keep going and going. all i’m trying to do is get a sense of when people decide to take stock of where they are and what they’ve come to.

that’s what i need to understand because from the looks of it, success is, ironically, an after thought. it is a before and after kind of thing. too many times have i hear either the problem of seeking or losing success, whatever it means for whomever wants it or lost it. there is all too often the story told that ends with, ‘…those were the best years of my life, and at the time, i didn’t even know it.’

from the stories i hear, success is one of those “either you have it or you don’t” moments that i’m just looking to avoid. not about that life. all in all, i don’t think it a single word can ever describe something i’m striving for. i need to put it into a full thought, make it an adventure.

when you’re working so hard for something that is so abstract as ‘success,’ it’s too easy to forget what the present is and keep that eye on the future prize.


in my mind, ‘success’ is a stressful idea. sarah kay, one of my favorite slam poets and a brown alum, writes in a Huffington Post article, that we have to be ‘Redefining Success.’ it is not something that is merely an impressive goal. she writes about how she checks with herself every now and again to see if she’s really happy in what she is doing. that is where i will begin: check-ins.

this is one of those check-ins. at this point, in all honesty, i have to keep reminding myself that what i’m looking for can never be prescribed. i’m at school, i’m building my tool-box. i’m pulling together my bag of tricks. i don’t want to have a set trajectory yet. there is no formula. right now, i have to simply do what needs to be done. i need to find what will bring that feeling of accomplishment and joy and understand what will bring more love and caring to the world. there is always a feeling of urgency, like there’s always something more to be done and with each something is another moment of accomplishment, of joy. and that’s where the excitement comes in because if i put ‘success’ into a full thought, it will grow to explore the chaos of our world and try to understand it. that’s what i want to do. i don’t want to define success or put it into a box. that only holds me in, and tries to contain my options.

i’m going exploring. i’ve got my exploring shoes on. we’re going on an adventure.


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